All in a day’s news

Don’t you just love a good news day? As part of the ongoing unraveling of the mystery that is ‘why would anyone get up before 6am to go to the gym?’ I am prepared to divulge one of my favourite early morning activities. While walking on the treadmill, I get a head start on the day’s news by reading a condensed, eight-page version of the New York Times, which my gym photocopies and makes available to members. Usually, I read through it dispassionately for about 10 minutes, before turning my attention to the morning newscasts. This morning was different. What a news day!? The stories left me gob-smacked. Let me walk you through it. Page one: At the bottom of the page was a story about French President Jacques Chirac. When he thought he was speaking off-the-record he told reporters from three major global newspaper, that it would pose no great danger to the world if Iran was to possess nuclear weapons. And further, he said, if Iran was to launch one of these “harmless” weapons against Israel, it wouldn’t really matter because Israel would raze Tehran to the ground, lickety-split. Right. Well, what is there to worry about then? But the story that really caught my eye was about a 29-year old sex offender who, after being released from prison, managed to enroll in no less than four schools… by posing as a 12-year-old student! Turn to page two, and what do we find? Former First Lady of Italy gets so mad at her hubby Berlusconi and his flirtatious ways that she has a letter published in his least favourite newspaper, demanding a public apology from him. Italian feminists are overjoyed and the pundits conclude his political career is finished, because no woman would ever vote for him again. Despite this, Silvio Berlusconi does release an apology to the public, signing it off with: “A huge kiss. Silvio.” Moving to page three and some local news, a democratic candidate for the 2008 presidential race Senator Joseph Biden seems to have put a sharp end to his prospects, while making what he must have thought would be a complimentary statement about a major opponent. Black candidate, Barack Obama has been the guy to watch, especially in the last few months when it became clear he would attempt a dash to the White House in competition with Senator Hilary Rodham Clinton. Senator Biden somehow managed to refer to Obama as “the first mainstream African-American who is articulate and bright and clean and a nice-looking guy”, and thus, as the New York Times noted, may well have sealed his place in the history books as having launched the shortest presidential campaign ever run. By the time I was finished marveling at the bizarre state of the world this February, it was time to wrap up the workout. Now this next part is completely unrelated, but perhaps worth mentioning for the sympathy factor. (And who knows, maybe someone out there will find a connection.) As I was changing trains at Union Square this morning, a man collided with me (neither of us were paying too much attention) and knocked me clean off my feet. Tears gathered in the corners of my eyes and I felt like a five-year-old, while trying to hold them back. Although he helped me back up, together with a group of kids who had previously been annoying me with their loud chatter (I was trying to read!) The whole incident left me feeling quite strange. Now my knee hurts. So does this mean I should take a break from tomorrow’s workout?